Breaking the Barriers in Coaching

I am an Associate Certified Coach (ACC) with the International Coaching Federation (ICF). My journey as a coach continues — and along the way, there have been countless moments of learning, reflection, and transformation. Each experience has taught me something new, not just about coaching but about myself. One such experience stands out vividly and continues to shape the way I approach every coaching conversation.

A few months ago, I participated in a three-month Coach Mentoring Program organized by the ICF Delhi Chapter. It was a thoughtfully designed initiative that brought together peer coaches in reciprocal coaching pairs, followed by group mentoring sessions conducted by an experienced MCC Mentor Coach.

The peer-to-peer coaching sessions were insightful — an opportunity to practice, observe, and learn from each other. But the mentoring sessions took the experience to a whole new level. They were deep, reflective, and full of “aha” moments that reshaped my coaching practice.

During one of those mentoring sessions, our mentor posed a seemingly simple question:
“What is your most significant challenge as a coach?”

Each participant took turns responding. When my turn came, I found myself hesitating. Despite having logged more than 400 hours of coaching practice, I had never really paused to identify what my core challenge was. After a moment of reflection, I shared honestly:

“When I start my coaching sessions, everything flows smoothly at first. But somewhere in the middle, I suddenly run out of questions. It feels like hitting a roadblock — the conversation loses momentum, and I struggle to move it forward. What should one do in such situations?”

Our mentor listened attentively, asked me a few clarifying questions about my coaching approach, and the process I follow, and then offered feedback that was simple yet profoundly transformative. Here’s what she said:

1. You seem to take too much pressure upon yourself for results.

2. You believe it’s your responsibility to navigate the client from problem to solution.

3. You tend to pre-decide what models or tools you’ll use in a session.

4. You appear attached to the outcome of your coaching session.

5. By imposing too much structure, you seem to unintentionally create a barrier between yourself and your client.

6. This makes your coaching transactional, not transformational — and that’s why you run out of questions.

That feedback hit home. It was humbling to realize that in my effort to be an effective coach, I was actually limiting the coaching process. I was trying too hard to help my clients — to guide, to solve, to get results — and in doing so, I was taking away their ownership of the journey.

Our mentor then shared some invaluable pieces of advice that has since become the cornerstone of my coaching practice:

1. As a coach, you cannot have your own agenda. Follow the client’s agenda, not your own.

2. Your primary responsibility is to evoke awareness. When you’re fully present, the right questions emerge naturally.

3. Don’t rely on a “question bank” or pre-decided tools. Use frameworks only if they genuinely support the client’s self-discovery.

4. Create a safe, enabling environment. Your role is to hold space where clients feel seen, heard, and empowered to find their own solutions.

5. Let go of the pressure to deliver results. The responsibility for outcomes rests with the client, not the coach.

These insights were simple yet profound. They shifted my entire perspective on coaching. I realized that effective coaching is not about doing more — it’s about being more: being present, being curious, being empathetic.

Today, whenever I find myself in a coaching conversation, I remind myself of that coach mentoring session. I consciously drop my expectations, let go of the urge to “fix,” and trust the process. And almost magically, the conversations flow. The questions emerge effortlessly. The client leads — and transformation follows.

Coaching, after all, is not about guiding someone to your answers. It’s about helping them find their own.